Teaching empathy to our children

Having two children on my own,  I often wonder what the future is going to look like when they are adults.  Environmental crises, artificial intelligence spinning out of control and increasing social inequality are few worries on my mind. It maybe not an obvious link, but one of the skills I want to give my children is to teach them empathy.

Empathy is more than just the ability to understand another person’s feelings or experiences from their perspective. It is also an ability to share your own feelings as well as externalize empathy in the form of action, i.e., helping others in some way.

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How to keep the marriage strong after becoming parents

As tomorrow is St Valentine’s, I wanted to talk about the marriage and love. It is not a secret that couple’s relationship changes after a child is born. What can we do to keep the marriage strong?

 I spoke to Rivka Mennesson ( MBacp, MA, PGDip), an experienced psycho-dynamic psychotherapist with 10 years experience both in private and public sectors. You can listen to her top 5 tips on how to keep relationship between husband and wife healthy after the child is born in the video below as well as learn about 7 principles for a happy marriage given by John Gottman.

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How to keep safe while skiing

As skiing holidays are in full-swing and some of you are planning to take a family holiday during the upcoming February half-term break, I wanted to look at how to stay safe while skiing. Also listen to top three tips from on what to do if jnuried from Mr Luke Jones , orthopaedic knee surgeon who works  both for NHS at Chelsea & Westminster hospital as well as privately at Grosvenor Orthopaedic Partners, the Lister Hospital, Chelsea Bridge Road.

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Why passing the tradition of real food to our children is important?

Our generation has been bombarded by fake food for long enough that we have stopped questioning what we see in the supermarkets or restaurants. So I am on a quest to educate myself and my children about the food to increase their chances to stay healthy. I am trying as much as possible to buy seasonal, organic and locally produced food (thanks to well spread home delivery services from farmers as well as farmers markets). But more importantly, I am trying to learn from farmers, nutritionist and food makers as much as I can.

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What makes us happy and how to raise happy children?

The eternal question is what makes us happy and what makes our children to grow into happy adults.

I signed up for a talk with Paul Dolan, professor of Behavioural Science at LSE who will present his new book How to Escape the Myth of the Perfect Life: To prepare for the talk, I read Dolan’s previous bestseller, Happiness by Design: Finding Pleasure and Purpose in Everyday Life, which gives an interesting view: happiness is an intricate balance between immediate pleasure and life meaningfulness. So, the life is less about trading off happiness now for happiness later (and vice versa) and more about trading off pleasure and purpose at different rates at different times. How we can turn these observations into practical advice for parent? I would say:

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Changing admission process into London girls’ schools

The British Education system is defined by it’s diversity and complexities – day, boarding, single sex, co-educational, 4+, 7+, 8+, 11+ and 13+ entry…. Numerous options have one unique feature that characterises them all - challenging admissions processes.

Many recognise such potentially harmful pressure on children is not sustainable and thus welcomed the well documented decision last year by the North London Girls Consortium (which is made up of twelve independent day schools see the list here) to replace their current 11+ admission process quoting: “There will be no further written assessments at our Schools, and we will develop the creativity of our interview processes.”

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Nature vs Nurture: does parenting matter?

Last week I attended a debate between Robert Plomin, author of Blueprint: How DNA Makes Us Who We Are and Ann Pleshette Murphy, author of The Secret of Play: How to Raise Smart, Healthy, Caring Kids from Birth to Age 12 organised by Intelligence Squared.

It was an evening of revisiting the old questions: how much does parenting matter; should we relax and not put too much pressure on ourselves as children are individuals born with their own blueprint and to what degree can we change the outcome?

Read the story of Gavin, a local father of a 16 years old son to see how parenting can make the difference.

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What you have to know about mental health, social media and drugs if you have a daughter.

With the current budget, UK Government announced special £2bn funding to boost mental health support (here). Last blog, I talked about introducing meditation to the children from young age to manage their stress (here). This time, I wanted to look, is there a difference on how to raise a mentally healthy daughter versus raising emotionally healthy son?

The gender differences diminish with the age and there are always atypical girls and boys. But there are studies to show that the girls are more at risk: more than two-thirds of antidepressants prescribed to teenagers are for girls (see details here).

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Is mental health a new buzz word or parents should start thinking about it more seriously?

As a parent, I come across more and more discussion about mental health issues.  Senior schools introduce mental health counsellors, junior schools talk to students about stress and how to manage it, teens talk about depression and suicide is the leading cause of death among young people in the UK (see here).

What did change from the time we were growing up that makes our children emotional and psychological well-being more vulnerable? I think one of the reasons is that we are losing our skill to connect with ourselves as we are getting more connected with the outside world.

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Reading-aloud to children: tips & suggested books

Following up on my last blog about how to choose books (see here), few parents asked if I can share a list of books. Searching for good sources, I came across The read-aloud handbook by Jim Trelease.

On the back of this book, there is a very comprehensive list of wordless books for babies, predictable books (rhyming) for toddlers, picture books for pre-school children, short novels, poems and full novels for teens. The author has arranged all books by age and has given a short description for each book, so you can decide if the complexity is the right level for what you are looking for (as I discussed last week about story, vocabulary or narrator complexity).

Apart from the list, I found the book very inspiring as there is a great research-based discussion on how reading aloud to children benefits their cognitive development.

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Top 5 Tips for successful Assessment preparation

Maya Cara's two-hour workshop aims to help you navigate through the obscure 4+ assessment process to ensure that your child is fully prepared for the assessment. The workshop describes in details the assessment process while informing you on the areas to focus on and how to work with your children while suggesting which materials and resources to use. Armed with appropriate information and structure, you can teach your little ones the necessary skills through play and fun activities at home using everyday items and objects. 

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How to take your child’s reading abilities to the next level.

To read is to have a power to learn regardless of the school one attends or the teacher who teaches.  But what books should I encourage my children to read and how?

Coming from non-English speaking background, I rely on school or friends to advice some tittles. However, schools often say that as soon as a child is reading, it does not matter what she/he is reading.  I took it as given and followed that instruction, letting my children read whatever they choose.

However, I noticed, despite reading quite a lot, both of them struggle with comprehension tests and that made me wonder. Looking for some help, I came across this book that turned my perception of reading upside down. Reading Reconsidered: A Practical Guide to Rigorous Literacy Instruction.

In a nutshell, it does matter what children read. It makes a difference also how children read. And it is very important to discuss with your children (orally and in written) what they are reading to give them a framework to build an independent ability to analyse. If you are interested to learn more, I put together the main highlights from the book below.

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Asking the right questions while choosing a school

My son is going through the process of applying to senior schools and as most of parents I am anxious to choose the right one. The academic results are important for me and they are easy to measure as all schools can show statistics on where students are going after their school and with what grades. But how to capture less tangible things that make the school the right place for my child?  What are the right questions to ask when visiting the school, talking to head masters and teachers as well as current students and their parents?

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How parents can inspire their children to like maths

This Monday, I run into a friend whose children are in the American School. One of the things we talked about is how her daughter (who is the same year as mine at Y3) does not have to study time-tables, or sit timed tests or be allocated into the ability set in her class. The school focuses rather on maths fluency.

That got me curious. Why the system are different and which one works better?

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Raising an introvert child in an extrovert society.

Our society has placed extroverts as a golden standard: parents, school and employers expect a child/a person to be outgoing, confident and sociable.  Contributing to the discussions, taking an initiative, competitiveness and be good at public speaking seem to be a must for a bright future. 

What if your child is an introvert and does not like to be in the centre of public attention, prefers to have a deeper relationship with a smaller group of friends and occasionally needs to recharge the energy level by being on his/her own?

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